


After the Rain

by plaidshirtjimkirk



Category: Hakuouki
Genre: Character Study, Confessions, Cuddling, Established Relationship, Heart-to-Heart, Hijikata's family, Insecurity, Introspection, Kondo is a Good Adoptive Dad, Kondo's family, M/M, Protectiveness, Self Confidence Issues, Sharing Clothes, Shieikan Shenanigans, Shieikan era, Toshisami, cold!Toshi, how to turn a medicine peddling boyfriend into a sword husband 101, konhiji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-07-08 19:27:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15936764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plaidshirtjimkirk/pseuds/plaidshirtjimkirk
Summary: It's simple. Peddle medicine and find purpose. But after Hijikata is caught in a downpour that leads him right into Kondo's arms, he realizes things are a little more complicated than he'd like to believe.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HakuSaitoSan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HakuSaitoSan/gifts), [Sabinasan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabinasan/gifts).



**.*Prologue*.**

_Ishida Village, Sato Dojo - 1852  
_

Kondo’s gaze pierced a mishmash of farmers from the head of the training hall, the sea of drab attire they comprised appearing almost refined when compared to their abysmal posture and form.

“What are you here for?!” Kondo rocked forward and heaved his shinai with powerful skill, his words echoing off dark cedar walls and rafters.

A chorus of voices filled the air, ranging from the charismatic, “ _Becoming strong!_ ” to the whiny, “ _Aghhh, I don’t even_ _know_ …”

“This is our territory!” Up front, the shinai sliced the thickness of summer heat over and over. “It’s on _us_ to look after our families, our land.” _Swoosh!_ “The Tennen Rishin Ryu will help you do just that.”

“Yes!” yelled a young man with fire in his eyes, “Young Master!”

“Put your backs into it! Check that grip!”

Again, the replies came with an equal balance of determination and complaint—and that’s when Kondo’s lips twitched in satisfaction and he looked off to the side. Meeting his gaze, Sato Hikogoro’s chin fell with a strong nod.

“Keep at it,” Kondo commanded and then strode off to join his friend, raising an arm on the way to dab the sweat from his forehead. Upon his arrival, he cast another glance to the new recruits and then returned his attention. “Quite an animated lot you’ve attracted, Hiko-san.”

“Reckon they’ll be in good form shortly if they regularly attend practice…and I’m sure they will.” Sato shrugged with a fond huff. “I know a thing or two about farmers, after all.”

“And these are _Ishida Village_ farmers we’re talking about. Now that’s really something.” Kondo gave a jovial slap to Sato’s shoulder. “Really though, great stock. These guys will do well. I have faith in that.”

A smirk graced Sato’s face while he nodded once more. And just as his lips parted to speak further, his chance was stolen by the crashing of a wooden sword against the floor.

“My arms!” A middle-aged man had dropped to his knees by this point, while his shinai rolled off and his expression twisted in agony. “I can’t anymore!”

“Hey!” Sato’s shout thundered over the background noise of collective exertion. Grabbing the shinai from Kondo, he stamped to his rightful place at front and center to lead. “The Young Master is here to visit our dojo! Stand tall and show him what you’re made of, come on!” With perfect form, he took up the repetitions. “Prove to him that you’re worthy of learning his fighting style. For Tama!”

“ _For Tama!_ ” came the crowd’s bellowing response.

The man who’d fallen groaned loudly, his shoulders and head drooping before collecting himself. Rising back to stand, he adjusted the sword in his grasp, repositioned his feet, and with a deep cry, rejoined the flock. “For Tama!”

Pride blossomed within Kondo’s chest. Sato had been a friend for years at this point and his dedication to this so-called _farmer’s swordplay_ earned him the privilege of opening and instructing at his own training hall. His success story was bred of dedication and an obsessive nature of never quitting.

While he continued to observe in satisfaction, Kondo’s thoughts took him on a quick trip through the memories of his own tale…how he’d come to be adopted into this life of leadership and training by Kondo Shusuke, and the key individuals, like Sato, whom he’d met from such fortune. That list of auspicious encounters certainly wasn't exhaustive, and as if fate were at work yet again, he felt the prodding of intuition: a sensation of eyes on him.

Kondo looked toward the doorway and as suspected, found himself being watched with enamored curiosity—but the moment their gazes met was the same that Hijikata averted his own. He pivoted on feet light as air and vanished from the entrance. An affectionate smile pulled outward to Kondo’s cheeks and after glancing over everyone hard at work once more, he strolled out to the porch.

August hung stale and heavy, but unlike the dojo, the outside world had the luxury of a light breeze…among other pleasant things.

Hijikata sat with his legs draped over the edge, and he peered over his shoulder when Kondo’s bare feet pounded heavy steps across the wooden floorboards. Dropping to sit as well, Kondo reached over and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Hijikata’s ear before his palm met the porch.

They remained in pleasant silence for several moments with elbows grazing one another, until Kondo’s hand inched its way toward Hijikata’s and their pinkies touched. “Big thoughts today, Toshi?”

“Heh. Maybe.”

“Maybe…” Kondo echoed and lifted his chin to take in an azure sky just beyond the overhanging roof. “Is that… _maybe_ considering training at your brother-in-law’s fancy new dojo? Since it’s literally just outside your own room?”

Hijikata’s lashes fell and he shook his head. “Nope.”

Of course, that was the answer Kondo expected. He swayed to the side and played along, however. “Mm, why?”

With his shoulders lifting, Hijikata’s face fell to the side and over an exhale, he supplied, “Blame yourself for that one.”

Kondo’s attention instantly snapped back to him, caught off guard by a potential jab of serious criticism. “Me?” A slow blink. “Why?”

“ _Kondo-sensei, Kondo-sensei_. That’s all I ever hear anyone calling you.” A soft huff rolled off Hijikata’s tongue. “If I make that kind of commitment, I’ll have to call you that too.”

Closing his eyes, Kondo relaxed and his laugh resounded through the garden. “What’s this strange conversation?!”

Hijikata’s pinky rose then and settled back over the one next to it. “I prefer calling you _Kat-chan_ , Kat-chan.”

With a chuckle, Kondo looked down to their entwined digits and then found Hijikata’s eyes again. “If that’s all that’s stopping you, Toshi-san, I’m pretty sure an exception can be made…”

Naturally, there was more to the story. Self-doubt and a little healthy competition…the necessity of feeling and being necessary in one’s own way. It wasn’t all so simple, and Kondo knew that fact as well as he knew the young man at his side. They were both eighteen years of age and had been close for some time now, despite walking paths that were similar yet also different. At the surface, a dojo heir and textile shop apprentice seemed to not share much in common, but a mutual goal was indeed there: it was the desire for each to make something of himself, and leave his mark on local lore to never be forgotten.

In any case, Hijikata grinned in kind and peered out across the colorful arrangement of flowers that his sister had planted before the dojo’s grand opening. “I’ll consider it." A beat. "You know, between sewing up fabrics and selling fine haori.”

Kondo’s hand fully covered his then. “Good enough for me.”

It wasn't the first time that this conversation rose from the ashes. Nor would it be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks for reading! <3
> 
> This story is set in the Hakuouki universe, but so much of it was inspired from the Shinsengumi! Taiga Drama. You don't need to have seen the drama to read, but if you _have_ watched it, you might pick up on familiar little things here and there. :D


	2. Chapter 1

**.*After the Rain*.**  
**Chapter 1**

_Edo - 1854_

No one _ever_ felt cold when the peak of summer settled over Tama, steeping the countryside in thick humidity and insufferable swelter. Why, the mere thought of catching chills at this time sounded absurd to even someone like Hijikata, who’d always been intolerant and predisposed to a good shiver every now and then.

But that was before this strange time of year came about once more to remind him of the capriciousness and unpredictability weather could have—when everything was bathed in sunlight one moment and soused by torrential downpour the next, all with very little precursor.

It was either a marvel or a curse, and the answer relied entirely on whether there was a roof above one’s head or not when nature decided to flip the switch. A traveling medicine peddler oft had no such luxury of shelter on the move, especially while making his way down a road that cut straight through rice fields. So when the first strike of thunder split the heavens, rattled the earth, and surfed the nerves of his spine, Hijikata raised his chin to a fast darkening sky. A colorful word left his tongue and it wasn’t long thereafter until he found himself sprinting through sheets of rain soaking him to the bone.

Today simply hadn’t been his day. He’d spent the morning irritated over losing his hat somewhere, but that worry paled in comparison to drenched clothing and ruined wares (surely, the case strapped to his back couldn’t resist that much water). Despite all this misfortune, there’d been at least one thing going in Hijikata’s favor at a time when everything else insisted on the opposite, and that was location.

Sopping wet sandals pounded footprints into moist dirt and with a stumble, carried him through the outer entrance of one very particular dojo he enjoyed frequenting very much. And lo and behold...there on the porch, his favorite person even! Standing with large hands docked at his waist, Kondo watched with tranquility as the rain poured relentless and hard.

However, his ever-enduring composure vanished the instant his eyes found Hijikata; they widened along with his mouth, the dramatic arrival shattering what had once been an atmosphere of placidity. And from there, everything turned into a blur: of shouting and commotion...of animated questions and barked orders and snark from a ten year-old and helping hands and...

All of the chaos had quickly ushered Hijikata to where he’d wound up now: standing alone within the calm comfort of a familiar room, half-dressed in an oversized charcoal hakamashita that swallowed his slender figure. He gave himself another vigorous rub with the small white towel draped over his head, before his nose caught the hint of something pleasant. Dipping it toward the source—the collar—he treated himself to a deep inhale.

Gratifying, stimulating...so decidedly the scent which charmed his senses to no end. His lashes fell for a moment to simply revel in that bliss, and when Hijikata’s eyes fluttered open again, several more passed before they finally fell to the folded hakama on the dresser.

The corners of his lips twitched.

It was...larger than he imagined when not being worn by its owner; that wasn’t to say Hijikata hadn’t seen said owner without such an article in the past, but it’d never been so neatly stowed like this. And truth be told, there were more interesting things to look at besides discarded clothing on those occasions anyway.

At that thought he softly huffed, reaching with one hand to run his fingertips over dark patterned fabric. He supposed it was time to see if there was even a remote chance at this clinging to his waist, and as he slipped freshly socked feet through the legs, an affable presence appeared outside the closed shoji.

“Toshi, can I come in?”

“Yeah.” Hijikata’s attention drew toward the sliding door, a gentle smile pulling at his cheeks when Kondo stepped in with a tray bearing two cups. The shoji clapped shut and before Hijikata’s open display of affection could be acknowledged, he added, “It’s your room anyway.”

Kondo grinned with an exhale through his nose, then set the tray down on a short table and closed the space between them. “That doesn’t mean I can be blatantly rude to anyone in it.” Hijikata began to turn, but warm hands landed upon his shoulders and kept him in place, a strong chest pressing to his back soon after. “Right?”

“Cht. It’s not rude.” Hijikata felt Kondo reach beneath his arms and take the top hem of the hakama. “I yell at my sister and her kids to leave all the time.”

The attire was given a stiff tug about his hips, almost like an admonishment. “Certainly sounds like rudeness to me, Toshi-san...”

Hijikata sucked his teeth and tossed his face to the side, his brow bone pushing against Kondo’s temple. “No? My space, my rules.”

“Ah, so that’s how it is...” Kondo replied as he yanked on the straps next and began tying them as tightly as he could. Beneath his breath, he chuckled while jovially adding, “Well, pardon the intrusion then, Danna-sama¹.”

Hijikata might’ve offered retort at being teased, but the sensation of Kondo’s words feathering gently over his skin had his nerves alight and shoulders hinting upward in response. He let his desire for idle banter go, choosing instead to melt further into the arms around him while Kondo attempted to work hakama binding magic.

Despite his efforts however, the garment’s inevitable fate was to hang low about Hijikata’s hips. Kondo hummed his displeasure. “This is way too big on you. I’m sorry.” He gave another fruitless pull to coax it into sitting higher. “Maybe I could ask Gen-san to borrow—”

Hijikata grabbed Kondo’s hands before they had the chance to retreat— _if_ they even would. “Kat-chan, this is fine. It works.”

“Ah?!” Kondo stiffened. “Your hands are still so cold!”

“It’s _fine_ —”

Ignoring the protest, Kondo retracted his touch just far enough to give himself leverage; his palms immediately pressed against the backs of the clammy hands concerning him, pinning them gently against Hijikata’s abdomen while thumbs began to rub small circles in attempt to rouse warmth.

“Kat-chan...” If Hijikata had meant to object to these attentions, he’d failed. Utterly.

“Are you really comfortable like this?” Kondo thrust their hands down once to indicate the attire in question. “I mean, as long as you don’t mind losing your hakama...”

“Ah.” Hijikata felt heat starting to blossom about his cheeks at the statement and then more so when he inwardly admitted that no, he wouldn’t mind losing it at all—not one bit. He kept that factoid to himself, however, choosing to merely offer a simple and insistent, “I’m fine, really.”

“All right.” Kondo nosed at his damp hair. “I brought tea. Let’s go sit down and get you warm, yeah?” A beat, and then he added, “Awfully strange to say that in July.”

“You’re tellin’ me. I don’t know how rain could be so damn cold now.” Hijikata’s voice was airy as the arms which had encircled him regrettably retreated and caused him to feel instant loss. He crossed his own before his chest to make up for it, and attempted to fill the offending distance between them with conversation. “Y’know, I should really bring some clothes and leave them here for days like these.”

Filler talk at its prime, really, for it wasn’t as though he _minded_ his current state of total Kat-chan immersion. Quite the contrary, indeed.

“Or, uh, you could finally enroll and just move in,” Kondo quipped while retrieving the tea and then neared an empty expanse of wall he could use to support his back. Carefully, he knelt and set the tray back down on the tatami. “Then, this could be your room too and you could yell at me to get out of it.”

Hijikata snorted loudly. “Shut up.”

“I’m serious! It’s—” When Kondo turned to sit, the words abruptly stopped as his eyes fell on Hijikata. His lips pursed in an attempt as obvious as it was pathetic to hold back laughter, and promptly failed.

“What?!” Hijikata demanded, tossing his arms into a shrug and sending excessive hakamashita sleeves flapping, which appeared to only further fuel the situation.

“Toshi, my clothes are _ridiculously_ big on you!”

“Well, _excuse me_ for not being some super muscular dojo heir.” With that petulant reply, Hijikata pivoted on his toes. He plopped himself down between Kondo’s legs, reached for one of the cups—ah, divine heat against his hands—and then leaned back.

“You’re excused.” Despite being subjected to such critique, chiseled arms wrapped about Hijikata’s abdomen then with unprecedented tenderness and Kondo purred in his ear, “This time.” Fingertips drummed before he added, “But if you ever do change your mind…”

“Kat-chan.” The name fell breathless. “This again, huh?”

The catch in Kondo’s voice preceded the, “N—no pressure, of course!” Then came a laugh that was perhaps a bit too animated. “I’m patient!” And though Hijikata couldn’t see Kondo’s face, he perceived a genuine smile from the sound of those words, as real as the chin he felt coming to rest on his shoulder. “I can wait, I mean it. Even if you decide to never move in. I can…” He trailed off and immediately insisted, “It’s fine!”

Hijikata stared into his tea as silence fell, not exactly uncomfortable or tense but certainly pensive. He knew that reply had been sincere; a non-answer or negative answer _would_ be something Kondo would respect, even if it made him unhappy. However, this wasn’t the first time such a conversation surfaced between them and undoubtedly it wouldn’t be the last—with Kondo gently advancing and retracting when boundaries were trodden upon, with Hijikata wanting to honor his every desire but…

His thoughts deflected. Was it fair, forever being locked in this dance? Kondo grasped with surety where they stood and why things had to be this way, at least for now. Or so Hijikata assumed. But then again, constant rejection could do unfavorable things to someone, no matter how careful the letdown and despite how unhurt he outwardly appeared.

Wincing, Hijikata’s lips pulled into a taut line. _Outwardly, ne_ … The outside matching the unspoken inside was the real issue, and he had no idea if Kondo was swallowing unpleasant feelings from inclination to protect him; it wasn’t a far-fetched theory, as the young master had always been a brooder by nature and preferred to keep his worries to himself. That, on its own, was certifiably unjust and deserved addressing even if it was merely speculation, but Hijikata wouldn’t stand to even consider the possibility of Kondo suffering from misread intent.

Thus with resolve to set things right, without even knowing if they actually required to be, he pressed the cup to his mouth and a gulp followed. His chest pushed outward from the deep inhale drawn immediately after, and on its release, he spoke up. “Kat-chan.”

“Mm?”

“You know, I—” The stop was abrupt when Hijikata realized where his words were heading and he soundlessly chided himself. He needed to offer something better than a generic ‘ _it’s not you, it’s me_ ’ excuse, no matter how truthful it was. His tongue poked out to wet his lips and he replaced the teacup on the tray, then leaned back into the blissful recesses of Kondo’s arms. Several moments of quiet consideration passed before it became apparent that he was trying too hard, and on that, Hijikata settled for the route of pure candor. “Can I ask you something? Seriously.”

“Anything, Toshi.” The sincerity in that reply was like an embrace itself, and it made it hard— _so hard_ —to not just completely give in. Because Hijikata knew how much Kondo wanted this. And more than that, more than anything, it was what he wanted too if he were honest with himself.

There were conditions, though, and therein lay the dilemma which kept his feet cemented in a realistic life versus the ideal dream. Accepting Kondo’s hand and never letting go warranted absolute fealty; it was a level of commitment that Hijikata knew himself to be capable of and how he longed for the day he could give it. But in the present, the place and time were wrong. There was too large a gap separating them, and too great a threat of becoming yet another reliant string attached not pulling its weight.

Before anything else, Hijikata needed to be at the point where he could offer what he had without accompaniment of terms in his favor, or skewed sacrifice—needed to be able to meet Kondo halfway, instead of three-quarters or even further. Part of it stemmed from pride, yes, but that resolve had always taken root primarily in equity and balance. And what better way to demonstrate his perceived lack of those factors than in this very moment?

“Would you say it’s fair?” Hijikata raised his shoulders. “This situation.”

“Fair,” Kondo repeated slowly. “I’m…afraid I’m not following you?”

A soft scoff. “Take a look around. I’m under your roof. I’m wearing your clothes.” Nodding steadily, Hijikata continued rattling off without pause, for the more reasons he listed the more valid his logic became and the better his argument. “I’m drinking your tea. You’re happily assuming the role of furniture. We’re—”

Kondo’s frame stiffened and he attempted to coax them both into moving to see each other face-to-face; Hijikata, however, intentionally pressed heavily unto him to prevent it. “What does—” He struggled for a moment more before giving up. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” The lack of answer to Hijikata’s question confirmed it hadn’t been, prompting yet another half-sigh. “Kat-chan, you’re always cleaning up my messes.”

“Toshi.” Kondo gave another gentle push. “Please, can we…?”

Relenting with a shake of the head, Hijikata leaned forward and turned himself so their eyes could meet. “Look,” he began, sitting back in informal seiza but never had the chance to finish his thought.

“No.” The softness which previously enveloped Kondo had vanished, in both voice and demeanor. “First of all, I’m not _cleaning_ anything up.” As he spoke, however, it appeared something had begun to dawn on him and his stance instantly mellowed. He squinted, and then reached forth carefully to brush his thumb along Hijikata’s cheek. “Did I—?” The words died and he swallowed hard with the sinking of his shoulders. Kondo’s gaze fell for a moment, and then it returned. “I made you think that? You think you _owe_ me for something?”

“What? No.” Hijikata’s hand covered the one gently pressed to his cheek and pulled it away in favor of cradling it with both of his own. “No, it’s not that. Or…” Taking a breath, his focus veered off over his shoulder and his spine relaxed slightly. “It’s not you making me feel...” He paused, considering the correct language. “…indebted.”

Kondo’s mouth parted at that, but Hijikata pressed on before he could properly reply. “It’s like this. I was in the middle of the Kawamura rice field when the storm rolled in.” His eyes narrowed at nothing in particular on the far wall. “And thinking back on it now, I wasn’t the only one who got caught in it. There were others traveling, of course. And at that first crack of thunder, whoosh, everyone took off.” Hijikata’s voice trailed into a pensive tone, almost as if he were speaking to himself. “I wonder where they ended up.”

Kondo’s fingers twitched between the palms that sheltered them to indicate he was listening, and when Hijikata’s eyes met his again, warm gold was rife with consternation; still, despite apparently being needled at by a million questions, Kondo remained respectfully quiet, humble, attentive.

Hijikata exhaled, appreciating the courtesy and regard, and reciprocated in full by not allowing this conversation to turn into a guessing game. “What I mean is that they all had some place, or some _one_ , in mind to run off to. I did, too.” His shoulders nudged upward. “And that’s why I wound up here.”

“And I’m _glad_ you did,” Kondo asserted. “Toshi, I’m glad. I mean, where else would you have gone? Under some random roof somewhere so you could shiver while you’re soaked to the bone?”

“Maybe.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense!”

“It does when you think how much I rely on you!” The retort had Kondo’s lashes parting a little wider and Hijikata’s shoulders dipped as he tossed his gaze to the side once more. “Kat-chan, I rely on you so much. _Too_ much.”

He felt Kondo inching closer on his knees and a warm hand fell over his own. “Toshi.”

Letting his lashes fall, Hijikata shook his head with vehemence. “So, if I moved in here, do you know how much worse that would be? How much of a burden? It’s—”

“ _Toshi_.” A gentle shake brought Hijikata back to Kondo, and all he knew from there was the embrace he found himself pulled into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹ Danna-sama: Master
> 
> Side note about Souji's age... While it's unknown if his birth year was 1842 or 1844, I chose 1844. I understand this goes against what Hakuouki's writers decided. He always strikes me as very young in Reimeiroku however, so that's why I went to go with the later year.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to the very fab [shell_senji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shell_senji) for betaing. <3

**.*Chapter 2*.**

_I need you. I need you just as much. Maybe even more._

When Hijikata’s lashes fluttered suddenly, he was unsure if it was the caress of dawn on his cheek or the reiteration of phantom whispers that had roused him to wakefulness. Whatever the case, his lips parted and he exhaled softly toward a ceiling which looked nothing like his own. In the same, he found himself naked yet warm against sheets stiffer than recollection served, the futon just as foreign as the scenery.

But it was also comfortingly familiar.

And that was when his mind fully escaped the haze of sleep, when he let his head loll to the side.

_But I don’t want to push. …Or make you think I have expectations. Because I don’t._

There was a small gasp and slowly he blinked, his chest rising and falling thereafter with gentle undulation, his sight rife with an image of beauty as golden light sparkled and crept across the dormant form next to him. Ever the early riser, it wouldn’t be long before Kondo stirred as well to make a thankless, drab world of gray blossom back into the colors of paradise—of hope and opportunity and all things that were good.

Merit was to be found in having the fortitude to stare the unsightly straight in the face, however; and so, Hijikata seized the opportunity these fleeting moments gave him, to flex his daring on the plane meant for mortals and allow himself to just…process.

Because there were some dire things once more up for consideration after all that had transpired—things previously deemed _figured out_ , just for Hijikata to realize he’d barely scratched the surface, or even worse, had been avoiding them.

_Toshi, I just…I want you to do what makes you happy._

Deliberating, he stared at this man who so willingly, so openly, shared his bed…at shapely and reverent lips which had spoken the reassuring warrant of acceptance now flickering through Hijikata’s thoughts like butterfly wings amid garden flowers. Those words offered a universe of comfort he was wary of accepting, and not because Kondo hadn’t meant them with utmost sincerity; it was because he most certainly _had_.

That blatant honesty was why Hijikata now wondered if it was actually _okay_ for someone to _be_ okay with this kind of arrangement between them, especially since it involved a compromise of an indefinite nature.

His plan had always been elemental: work hard, get on Kondo’s level, and eventually earn a place at his side where he could pull equal weight. However, upon looking back at the outcome thus far of such a scheme, Hijikata found himself going nowhere fast and doing nothing profound. Instead, he’d somehow become trapped in this infinite loop of not moving forward with Kondo because he felt he couldn’t, and feeling he couldn’t because he wasn’t moving anywhere at all.

He’d assumed these matters would work themselves out eventually, if he just kept at what he was doing; something had to give at some point, after all. People found their calling all the time when least expected and Hijikata was sure his own awaited him, somewhere on the vast oceans of prosperity. But that optimistic view of _someday_ arriving out of no place seemed more fantastical than ever this morning, especially when he’d come to realize just how much it affected more than himself, but them as a unit.

That there even was a _them_ meant everything. And they’d been this way for so long that it felt natural and right…but was it really?

Hijikata’s eyes narrowed with a wince.

After his confession of feeling like a burden, it’d been Kondo’s reassurance that led him home again. And once that happened, they quickly slipped right back to normalcy in the aftermath, like nothing had happened at all.

There was no deviation from the usual, the pattern of behavior unfolding the same way it always did.

First, it was Hijikata’s unprompted, self-induced tension bringing choppy currents to calm waters. Then, followed Kondo’s sweet words, the kiss which placated, the embrace that succeeded in smoothing everything over and restoring life to its usual state. And just as it always had been, it was so easy to let the pressures and trials Hijikata put himself through dissipate, especially when the warmth of reassurance lapped at his agitation in gentle waves.

They’d held each other and talked, quietly at first, the conversation like Hijikata’s hair shifting from damp and heavy to relaxed and light. They ate dinner, shared sake, spent hours into the evening with quality Shieikan company, then sat on the starlit porch drinking and dreaming…until their eyes met in the way they often did. It hadn’t been long thereafter when the shoji shut and the garments fell to the tatami in time with the futon, when lips met again not out of comfort but desire and the entire world whited out.

It was all so… _normal_. But their relationship really wasn’t that at all, with Hijikata running about in circles while Kondo kept moving forward but still wanting the former around like he was useful for something.

And perhaps these thoughts were why waking up this morning next to Kondo for the umpteenth time of Hijikata’s life felt different.

Something shifted inside him now, as he recalled how Kondo’s feelings had been laid bare before him last afternoon, how that level of humility prompted doors to open even wider to weighty inquiries within Hijikata which had no concrete answers. Worse yet, they were the kind of questions which invited guilt, and that guilt brought with it the self-doubt.

With caution Hijikata turned on his side to face his companion completely, pulling the blanket back over an arm rendered exposed from the change in position, and resolved to study him—to watch Kondo breathe evenly and drink in that placid expression as if he hadn’t a care in the world. He felt his eyes soften and his heart beat but a little quicker.

Kondo seemed even more at peace in his slumber than the waking hours—a marvel itself—with his head against an ivory pillow roll and the thin cover cast off recklessly to expose the solid lines of his robust chest. The material had gathered over narrow hips, almost daring to expose more to the eye than decency would allow. And Hijikata would have been entirely content to revel in the presence of living, breathing art if it weren’t for the more pressing matters insistent and vying for his attention.

His shoulders rolled up slightly. Was it acceptable to leave a man like Kondo waiting while he worked through ironing his life out the hard way, with showing up frequently but never for the long run? Was such a relationship fair to either of them, with one having to surrender more than the other, when the trade-offs never felt even? Was taking his time as he had been also unwittingly taking advantage?

Long black lashes fell with the closing of Hijikata’s eyes, while Kondo’s voice filled his memories once more.

_Things are okay this way. I promise._ _Everything is okay. We’re both doing what we need to do._

But why? Why was it all okay? And why did Hijikata keep inwardly arguing the opposite of all the reassurances and guarantees?

He supposed it all came down to this: it was unclear to him what necessity, what _purpose_ , could be found when Kondo looked his way. There wasn’t a single doubt in existence that he saw _something_ which had him holding Hijikata in such high regard, and so dearly. The not knowing why was infinitely troublesome, however, and brought with it negative thoughts and further discomfiting speculation.

It couldn’t be pity; or more accurately, Hijikata hoped beyond all hope that it wasn’t, as the thought of falling in love with someone out of sympathy for their condition seemed entirely pathetic. Yet then again, Okita was another hard luck case whom Kondo had taken to, but in an older brotherly or even fatherly manner. The difference with Okita’s misfortune lay in his capability of doing something about it; being naturally gifted with the blade meant he possessed something of value upon which his future could be reliably staked.

By contrast, Hijikata practiced the art of swordsmanship in the style of multiples, but held no inkling of mastery for one certain type. He’d worked as a merchant’s apprentice at his family’s insistence, but abandoned that way of life when it’d become too insipid and repetitious. And upon these failings, he’d resolved to wander an aimless path of medicine solicitation while looking for his big break—an occupation which yielded only enough funds to supply little more than sustenance and temporary shelter for himself while on the move.

In the long run, he wanted to be and feel useful, to make an impact that shook the very ground at his feet. …Like his brother-in-law, Hikogoro, drenched in wealth and finesse, who commanded the respect of the locals and even had his own Hino-based Tennen Rishin Ryu dojo. …Like Kondo, chosen by one from the samurai class to join his family and inherit his legacy, who inspired the ambitions of mere farmers and challenged them to be and do better.

Transcending social constructs like that was a ludicrous fantasy seemingly better for bedtime stories, but one boy hailing from Kamiishihara had done the impossible and was now on his way to becoming the master of an entire fighting style. He was a true samurai, not by birth, but in spirit—and that, by Hijikata’s opinion, made Kondo more samurai than any man lucky enough to have been born with such an embellishing title while lacking the discipline and character.

Ultimately, the bitter reality was that up against these admirable men of high caliber, all Hijikata was at this point was a rough stone without polish—one that would barely make a splash if tossed into a lake, one that would sink right to the bottom undistinguished from the rest. He was no pearl, not yet. And he would never become one if he kept on as he had been.

Hijikata’s eyelashes parted suddenly.

…Where were these thoughts going?

He stared at his palm resting flat on the sheet.

…Every twist, every turn of mental gymnastics led him to the same conclusion. He had to make a change. And that change, it meant…

The sudden soft yawn at his side jarred Hijikata and sent his emotional shields slamming into place, his eyes snapping shut before Kondo noticed he’d uncharacteristically woken up first. He feigned sleep over the sounds of stirring, of small stretches and joints popping, of Kondo shifting from his back to his side. Then, all went silent.

The quietude persisted for long enough that Hijikata believed Kondo had fallen back into slumber, so his eyes fluttered open again. But when they did, they parted that much wider in surprise.

Soft amber. Flecks of gold. A universe of treasure between rims of dark lashes, aimed directly at him.

Seconds ticked by.

“Hey…” Kondo whispered at last, a lazy lopsided smile pulling outward to his cheek.

Hijikata blinked, as dread simultaneously crept up his throat and weighed his body down until he felt twice as heavy. If it were any other day, he might have snapped at being watched while he slept and even pulled the cover over his face as retaliation. However, this morning was anything but typical and Hijikata had been the furthest place possible from inner peace.

He _wished_ he could react normally, wished he had the right to chide Kondo as he often would over the small things. Alas...

“…Hey,” he replied, before it became too long and things turned even more awkward for him.

A hand fell over his own, still resting palm-down on the futon, as Kondo’s sluggish features began to sharpen with the furrowing of his brow. “Are…?” He cleared his throat to shake the coarseness from his voice and began rising to a forearm. “Are you okay?”

Hijikata nodded immediately, pulling his hand free from Kondo’s to press unto a bicep and still him. “Mm.” He sniffled, and several frightfully thoughtful moments drifted by before he added, “Still tired.” The yawn thereafter started out fake, but quickly turned real.

“Heh…” To much relief, Kondo seemed to relax at that. He shoved his pillow roll off the futon, then slipped an arm beneath Hijikata and drew him close enough for his lips to meet his forehead. “Me too.”

“I mean…” Hijikata huffed and felt Kondo smile against him, felt the quiet laugh rumble within his chest.

“Sorry.” Kondo stroked his thumb gently across Hijikata’s exposed cheek, then brushed loose locks of hair behind his ear.

_He’s such a good person…so rare, so good. He deserves the best of everything. Is that what you can give him as you are now? Really?_

“Toshi,” Kondo breathed, elongating the vowels of his name, and then used his weight to coax Hijikata on his back. He nuzzled him, draped an arm over Hijikata’s waist, then rested his head against his chest. “Let’s sleep a little longer?”

_Things are okay this way. I promise._ _Everything is okay._

In fact, at present, nothing was. But perhaps, one day, it could be. Hijikata’s chest tightened as the path with all the answers suddenly opened to him, and at last he realized what needed to be done...for the good of them as one, and the good of them as individuals.

But for now…

If only for now...

“Aa.” Fingers came up to thread through locks of short brown hair before Hijikata let his arm fall, wrapping around Kondo’s back and holding him close. “Just a little longer.” He stared toward the ceiling, as he held tight.

And then tighter yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter features Kat-chan being a great adoptive dad to Souji, as well as a pretty damn good boyfriend to Toshi. <3

  


**.*Chapter 3*.**

Over the breakfast Kondo brought into his room for them both that morning, Hijikata had gone quiet in a most concerning way. It’d been the same pensive silence as the prior afternoon, which incited the heart-to-heart conversation that Kondo, without doubt, believed had massaged all offending ripples and creases back into smoothness once more.

They’d been together long enough and Kondo knew _Hijikata_ well enough to know that cornering him into spilling what was on his mind would be more detrimental than helpful; therefore, he settled upon a simple inquiry regarding his companion’s well-being, while dark eyes stared into untouched miso soup.

“Toshi…” Kondo licked his lips when Hijikata’s chin lifted and his eyes tentatively found his. There was something in them—something he couldn’t rightly place, but it was clear that Hijikata had just been lost in the throes of contemplation. What it was that occupied his musing remained a mystery though, and the first step into solving it had to be a careful one. The venture forward reflected such caution as Kondo nonchalantly asked, “You all right? Still tired?”

A shrug of the shoulders preceded the reply. “Yeah.” Hijikata sat up a little taller immediately after. His lips closed and then parted again as if he’d say more, but all he eventually came out with was, “I mean...yeah. Still tired.” The hint of a rigid smile pulled at the corners of his lips and he turned back to poking at his meal.

…And that was the end of that. Discretion and prudence would yield neither insight nor reward now, apparently.

From there, an almost suffocating tension overwhelmed the atmosphere of the room, as heavy as the early humidity that settled in with the breaking of dawn. It was uncomfortable, to say the least and the obvious; the situation reeked of the strange and seemingly unfounded afflictions of yesterday. If that were true—if the same anxieties remained to plague Hijikata even now—Kondo needed to get to the bottom of them once and for all. Even if it meant repeating himself or saying aloud things so embarrassingly sincere they nearly made him blush just thinking of them, he would do it...albeit with the good graces of gentle insistence to start him on his way.

Buying himself time as he considered his next move, Kondo lifted his teacup and took a sip. He swallowed, cleared his throat. Game plan set? Nope. Ready? Not at all. Still, when he lowered it back to rest beside the rectangular plate of steamed white fish, he braced his hands against his thighs. Kondo opened his mouth and he drew a breath. “Toshi—”

...just to be derailed by the sudden rapid succession of footsteps pounding the porch boards as they closed in proximity. Like clockwork, Souji flung himself at the open doorway and held tight, rasping, “ _Kondo-san_!”

“S—Souji! What’s wrong?!”

Looking over his shoulder and pursing his lips as if he’d been chased, Souji then stepped across the threshold and stumbled over as Kondo pushed his tray to begin rising. Before he could, however, Souji crashed to his knees at his side and groaned while leaning unto him.

“They’re telling me stupid dad jokes again.”

With his brows pulling inward, Kondo placed his hand on Souji’s head and gently pushed him off. “What?!”

“Sensei and Gen-san! They’re telling me stupid dad jokes and they’re so dumb and annoying!”

“Oh wow, it’s the end of the world,” Hijikata interjected quietly, but since Souji either chose to pay no attention to the jab or simply didn’t hear it, Kondo considered himself fortunate and let it go. The absolute last thing he needed now was these two going to war on top of everything else.

Relaxing his posture, Kondo huffed. “You really know how to worry a guy, Souji!” He gave a pat to the top of his head and allowed himself a soft smile. “I thought there was something seriously wrong with how you came running in here like that.”

“There was, though! There really, really was!” Souji insisted, balling his hands into fists and bringing them level with his jaw. “Sensei literally said ‘ _you can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish_ ’ and expected me to laugh.”

Picking up his chopsticks again, Kondo cocked his head and chuckled. “Well…”

Souji’s eyelids fell halfway closed and he murmured, “Of course, _you’d_ find that funny, Kondo-san...”

Glancing to Hijikata, Kondo felt a sliver of relief to see him eating without hesitation and assuming an infinitely more laid-back disposition. The volatile moment between them had been lost for better or worse and with nothing to do about it in the present, he supposed the sight of returning normalcy was better than nothing. Following the trend, Kondo plucked a bite of shredded daikon. “Please just humor him, would you? My father’s an old man and he wants to feel relevant.”

Souji shrugged and looked off to the side, quietly saying, “I already humor your humor, Kondo-san.”

Kondo’s chopsticks stopped midway to his mouth and lowered. “...What?” His lips closed and opened again, then repeated the same action, while blinking rapidly. Finally, he asked in a woeful tone, “You…you don’t actually think my jokes are funny? You’re just—?”

From his left, Kondo heard a soft laugh and his focus pulled to Hijikata. “Hey! Hey, Toshi, you stay out of this! This is really distressing!” With a half-pout, Kondo turned back to Souji. “...Really?”

Souji chortled and then took hold of Kondo’s hakamashita sleeve. “Ne, ne! Are we gonna go to the starlight festival this year?”

“So let me get this straight.” Letting his lashes fall for a moment, Kondo righted himself. “You insult me and then ask if I’m taking you to a festival?” Naturally, he was playing along, although there was a small part of him that felt the slightest inkling of disappointment at failing to be an adept comic.

“Aw, you know I was just kidding!” Souji pulled on his hakamashita again. “You’re plenty funny, Kondo-san!” His eyes fell closed as a huge grin overtook his face. “Sometimes even when you’re not trying to be.”

Kondo lifted his chin quickly and quirked a brow. “Now what’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“Besides!” Souji’s expression dampened a little as he nodded toward Hijikata, his voice suddenly less enthused when he added, “…isn’t he gonna come with us too anyway?”

“Ah…well, first of all, let’s not talk about Toshi like he isn’t here with us, yeah?” _Whoops, guilty as charged._ “And second of all—”

“I’ll go.”

Kondo blinked at Souji’s green eyes narrowing and then turned again to find the comfort of Hijikata’s gaze upon him. Interestingly, there was no longer any stiffness or apprehension present, almost as though Souji’s suggestion lifted all the weight that had seemed to be exerting itself upon his person.

“I’ll go,” Hijikata repeated. “And actually, I can make time for the whole day, so if you want to go fishing that morning, too…”

“Fishing?!” Souji exclaimed and clapped his hands once. “All right! I mean…if, if that’s okay with you, Kondo-san?”

“Um…” Kondo searched Hijikata for as long as he could without things becoming awkward or indicative, before looking back to Souji. The corners of his mouth eased into a smile. “Of course it’s okay. We’ll make a day of it, then.”

Over the subsequent sound of Souji cheering, Kondo looked Hijikata over once more—saw fondness in those eyes as they regarded him and the jubilant boy at his side. “You’re really all right with that?”

“Yep!” Hijikata declared in a light and nearly dismissive tone, the kind of soft voice so specific to him, and went back to finishing the little that remained of his breakfast.

And it was that moment when Kondo realized that it was he, himself, who had eaten the least at this point: a stroke of clarity which made him evaluate the situation once more.

Perhaps he’d read too deeply, or had reached a bit too far earlier. Perhaps...he was being a little too overprotective, and a bit too paranoid. They were attributes he couldn’t fault himself for however, because when it came to Hijikata’s happiness, attentions, and affections, they were things he would protect for as long as he was bestowed the honor.

Whatever the case, whether he’d made mountains out of molehills or not, there was a plan set for three days from now and plenty to look forward to. Therefore, Kondo released the worries prodding at him, and swallowed them all as he did his soup.

~

Oftentimes, when Souji showed up at random, it was more of an annoyance to Hijikata than anything. He was an obstinate child, rife with so much mischief and audacity that it might have been impressive if not so infuriating.

That particular morning, however, it was Souji’s appearance at the most perfect moment which triggered a wave of gratitude to sweep clear across Hijikata. His face in that open doorway had been nothing short of a saving grace and badly needed distraction—because Hijikata had been but one solitary, dangerous breath away from pushing himself over an edge he hadn’t even been certain of how to rightly approach. Hell, he hadn’t known if he’d been _ready_ to, and yet there he’d been.

It occurred to him while studying his miso soup that guilt was a terrible first course for a meal, and that all the turmoil involved with coming to his decision had been the easy part. The most arduous and painful trials lay ahead, and the most pressing question now was…

Hijikata had ventured a glance to Kondo at that point.

How do you go about hurting the one person you want to protect most of all? How do you injure him when you love him with all of yourself, and still stomach the sight of your own reflection?

Samurai lived boldly. Even Kondo appeared to be ready to voice some of his own peace, something which offered the shove Hijikata had needed. Upon hearing his name, he opened his mouth at the same time.

But like the universe had seen the need for intervention, that had been the very moment Souji’s presence saved Hijikata from himself and offered an escape he hadn’t even known he needed until the aftermath. Putting this heavy conversation off for a few days would allow him the time necessary to think about what needed to be said, and most importantly, _how_. It might have been delaying the inevitable and prolonging his own inner turmoil, but if that meant something better for Kondo in the long run and a gentler let down, then it was worth it.

It was for that reason that Hijikata agreed to accompany them to the festival and why he’d suggested spending that whole day together. He’d give not just Kondo but himself one last memorable day with nothing but happiness, and soon after, there would only be good feelings when they’d sit down to talk the ugly matters.

A plan was a plan, half-baked as it might have been.

Therefore, when Kondo walked him to the halfway point at the lake, Hijikata could smile when they turned to each other—a soft and almost shy twitch of the lips.

“Go home safely, okay?” Kondo asked, reaching across the space separating them and brushing warm fingertips across Hijikata’s cheek as he pushed hair away from his face.

“No worries.” Hijikata offered a nod. “See you in three days.”

“I’ll...” Kondo averted his gaze and peered over his shoulder. His lower eyelids raised a touch and then he quietly finished his thought. “...I’ll miss you.”

Hijikata softly scoffed, but any rebuke he might have made was obliterated by Kondo’s mouth quickly pressing to his own: a brief kiss stolen amid the cover of nature.

“Bye,” Kondo whispered then, stepping off and waving over his shoulder.

“Bye...” Hijikata said after him so softly that he was positive that he hadn’t been heard. Only after Kondo had disappeared over the hill was when he added, “...I’ll miss you, too.”

~

_3 Days Later_

A patterned handball bounced to the cadence of words sang by Souji, decorating the Shieikan front entrance with circular prints in dry dirt. The lyrics faded to an eventual hum and he closed his eyes while beginning to contentedly rock his head and shoulders, finding enjoyment in the warmth of late morning sunlight. The ball got away as consequence of his shift in attention; it slipped from his fingers and rolled toward the porch—right past where Kondo busied himself drawing circles with a long stick.

Little sandals skipped against the ground, but instead of going after the wayward trinket, Souji hopped up to sit at Kondo’s side. His legs dangled over the edge as he scooted over to lean a cheek against his arm, watching with intent while so-called art unfolded before his eyes.

“Ne, Kondo-san…”

“Mm?”

Souji pursed his lips and kicked his feet a few times. “Fude-san’s gonna yell at you for drawin’ skulls in her front yard again…”

A laugh broke out at that. “No worries. I’ll erase them before she sees.”

“Whatever you say,” Souji intoned and lifted his hand to cling gently to the sleeve of Kondo’s hakamashita, continuing his observation of the wandering stick leaving curves in its wake. “I’m glad she’s not _my_ mom. That lady’s mean.”

“Shh, no more of that. You wanna learn how to draw one?” Kondo asked without turning away from his handiwork, his lips pulled into a complacent smile. A tiny inarticulate noise left Souji’s throat, prompting another chuckle. “Suit yourself, kid.”

“Kondo-san, no offense but…” Souji paused and then lowered his voice to a whisper. “It’s kinda weird.”

With his grin widening even further and his own words going just as soft to playfully imitate Souji’s, Kondo asked, “What is?”

“I mean, of all things, why draw skulls? Why not draw…well, I dunno…swords? Flowers? …Kanko?”

At last, Kondo righted himself and faced his young counterpart, the gentle expression he wore remaining even in the presence of criticism from a ten year-old. “Oh, it’s simple, really.” He closed his eyes, cleared his throat, and pounded a fist twice against his ribcage. In strong baritone, Kondo proudly announced with a nod, “It’s a declaration of what’s deep in here.”

Souji’s brows pulled inward and his eyes drifted off to the side. “You have a skull in your chest?” His gaze wandered back. “…Are you okay?”

Kondo snorted. “ _Resolve_ , Souji. I’m talking about resolve.” He pulled his arm free and mussed his hair. “This shape symbolizes death, yeah? So drawing it shows that I know my role in the world. A true samurai is ready to honorably give his life at any time.”

The confounded look persisted across Souji’s features and further furrowing of his brow had Kondo laughing heartily once more. “You’ll understand when you’re older, I promise.” He placed the stick into a smaller hand. “Here. You draw something now.”

“Like what?”

“Like…whatever you want. Something that makes you happy?”

There was but a moment of consideration before Souji’s lips twitched and with an immediate change of demeanor, he vaulted to his feet. His knees bent with a crouch and he pressed the point into the dirt, beginning with the formation of an oval. Inside of it, he placed two elongated dots for eyes, scowling eyebrows, and a large open mouth.

“Souji…” Kondo started, his tone faltering somewhere between amusement and warning, but failing to effectively become one or the other.

Long bangs and a ponytail were added next, and afterward, two horns at the top. With a precursory snicker, Souji finished his masterpiece by titling it: _Hijikata-san_.

“ _Souji_!”

The stick fell to the dirt as Souji tossed his head back, laughter rising up from deep within his belly. His palms slapped to his abdomen and through the heaves, he managed to choke out, “It looks—it looks just like him, Kondo-san!”

Kondo was off the porch in an instant, his fingers jabbing at Souji’s sides in a relentless tickle attack which caused him to thrash and howl. “When’d you get to be so rude, huh?!”

Upon managing to flail himself to freedom, Souji stumbled about while wiping tears from his eyes. “Well, it’s true! That’s how he looks!”

“It is _not_!” Kondo stressed, despite obviously trying to suppress his own mirth, and then returned to the place where he’d been previously sitting. He patted the space next to him. “C’mere, you troublemaker. It’s hot in the sun.”

Souji accepted the invitation without protest, quickly climbing back up to Kondo’s side. However, by the time he posed his next question, the hilarity had all but disappeared and been replaced with a hint of annoyance. “Where _is_ he anyway? He was supposed to be here early this morning!”

“Probably got caught up with something. It happens.”

Pressing his cheek unto Kondo’s bicep once more, Souji glowered. “But he promised. It was _his_ idea to go fishing in the first place! And it’s not fair to make us wait around all day.”

“Gosh, you’re so hard on him. Cut a little slack, will you?” Kondo gave a gentle shove. “Toshi’s got a lot on his plate right now. Business is going really well and that’s a good thing.”

“Well, he still promised,” Souji grumbled beneath his breath. “And besides! You’re more important than selling some stupid medicine, Kondo-san. I would never keep you waiting like that.”

With a lopsided smile pulling into his cheek, Kondo exhaled through his nose. “It’s nice of you to say so, but that _stupid medicine_ is his main source of income right now.” He looked toward the large fluffy clouds passing just over the edge of the porch roof. “It’s all right. He’ll get here when he gets here. I don’t mind waiting.”

“I do!” A dramatic sigh preceded Souji pushing off and flopping on his opposite side. There were a few seconds of quiet before he droned, “Kondo-san will forgive _anything_.”

“Aw, come on. That’s not true.”

“When it comes to Hijikata-san, it is.”

“That’s not it at all!” Kondo contended, but his voice lost its fire once he attempted to elaborate. “It’s just, well. You know…Toshi is…” He kept his chin raised and drummed his fingers upon his thighs, thinking hard about the correct way to phrase it. “Toshi is—” Whatever he’d intended to say next had been lost however, as a man in courier attire appeared at the front gate to knock the whole world off balance yet again.

He stood in the middle of the entrance with his hands pressed tightly to his sides, announcing himself with a bow. “Pardon my intrusion!”

Kondo jumped to his feet with Souji following suit, and together they approached their visitor, who’d begun procuring an article of correspondence.

“I apologize for the interruption. Is Kondo Isami-sama present?”

“That’s me.” Kondo offered a sturdy nod as Souji took hold of his hakama, studying the man with curious eyes. As they waited, Kondo’s large palm came to rest on the top of his head, and he leaned further into it.

“Ah. I come bearing a message for you. It’s been marked urgent.” When Kondo’s hand left him to receive the folded letter, Souji caught glimpse of its address and his eyes narrowed in perplexity at the sender’s name. With another courteous bow, the courier excused himself and disappeared as quickly as he’d come.

Kondo’s brow creased with concern and while he immediately began to unfold the message, Souji craned his neck and rocked on his tiptoes to not miss any detail. “Sato Nobu-san¹? Isn’t that…isn’t that Hijikata-san’s sister?”

“Aa.” The letter was pulled open and as worried golden eyes fell on the words written in beautiful calligraphy, Kondo affirmed, “It is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¹ Nobu: I ultimately chose to use the name Nobu for the sister who raised Toshi after the death of their parents. I did a lot of research in both English and Japanese to find more information on his family and came up with two names for her: Toku and Nobu. It seems that Toku was used to refer to her in Hakuouki, but I’m going with Nobu because that’s the name used on her Japanese Wikipedia page. Irritatingly, Toku is the name used on the page for her husband, Hikogoro. In any case, I love the name Nobu, so that's what I went with.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3333 I'm very excited to start posting this, because I've had the end of this chapter and the next one written since July of this year. I love writing best man Kat-chan (I know that doesn't rhyme lol) so I really enjoyed it. The next update should be much quicker since it's almost entirely complete. :D


	5. Chapter 4

**.*Chapter 4*.**

Tendrils of honeysuckle twisted fragrant blooms over the outer stone wall, bringing embellishment and vitality to a modest silver nameplate that bore the words _Sato Residence_. The habitant butterflies and hummingbirds were unfazed when Kondo hurried by their earthly paradise of flora, still impassively flitting about even when he swept beneath the bough that had grown over the main entryway.

That wasn’t to say a proper welcome wasn’t in order, however.

“Kat-chan!”

Kondo unclasped his hat and pulled it free with a shake of the head, his chin immediately lifting to the woman who stood up on the porch before him. At her side were a young girl and boy, each flailing and cheering while jumping about in delight. “Uncle came to visit! Uncle, uncle!”

“Shh!” she hissed, swatting at the space around them. “Not so loud!”

“Nao-chan, Gen-chan! Hello!” Kondo offered a wave to help placate their excitement and then turned back to Nobu, his voice falling as serious as his expression. “I’m real sorry for showing up like this without notice, but I rushed over the moment I got your letter.”

“Oh, Kat-chan, please. Do you not see these kids right now? You’re always welcome here.” She guided the children a few steps back to give him room. “Come on up!”

With a nod, Kondo placed his hat and the cloth-covered box he’d carried on the wooden floorboards, before pivoting to toe off his sandals. “Sorry for the trouble,” he said out of polite habit (and over little voices now chanting, “ _Big feet! Big feet!_ ”), while bounding up to join them on the porch. Within seconds, tiny arms were tossed around his legs to deliver enthusiastic hugs. Kondo’s shoulders dipped forward so he could place one hand atop each child’s head and he greeted them with warmth. “Hey, you guys.” However, worry was written across his features when he looked to Nobu again. “How is he?”

“Besides his usual stubborn self?” The words alone were harsh but they’d been delivered with the same fondness Nobu always used when talking of her brother. She crossed her arms and one hip leisurely swung out to the side. “Doing better, thankfully. He’s still feverish but at least he’s finally _in bed_.”

Kondo exhaled with relief, his lashes falling as he nodded once. In the background, he was vaguely aware of teeny toes stepping on his, their owners continuing to yap about the extraordinary size of his shoes.

“Ugh, the strings I had to pull to get him to rest, Kat-chan…” Blowing out a breath, Nobu’s brow creased and she tilted her head. “You should’ve seen him this morning. Flushed! Sweating! Exhausted and grumpy, and _completely_ unreasonable. But he was so insistent on getting dressed, no matter what.”

Connecting the dots, Kondo felt color rush to his own cheeks then and his eyes parted a little wider. “Oh no…”

“I felt so bad that it came to sending a courier and worrying you like this. But with Hiko-chan out giving lessons like the good husband he is…” Nobu closed one eye and raised her shoulders a touch. “Honestly, that letter was the only way I could convince Toshi to get himself back in bed this morning. Even then, he was up and about soon after, _pacing_.” A beat. “He was really looking forward to seeing you today.”

Raising his palm to his cheek, Kondo huffed as his features softened and he peered off to the side. Soon after, his focus crept back up to her with a shy apology. “I’m _so_ sorry for the trouble, Nobu-san.”

“What are you sorry for? You know best of all that obstinacy and flair for drama are traits around these parts!”

In response to _that_ bit of truth, Kondo could do nothing except stifle the laugh which demanded escape from his tongue. So, the pot was calling the kettle black again… His hand fell and he absently pulled at the hem of his hakamashita to keep himself in line; the last thing he needed was another Hijikata on his case for something minor, especially when Nobu could be just as irascible as Toshi—if the mood was right. “Hardly,” he finally replied, not daring to agree with her assessment, no matter how accurate. “Anyway, I’m just glad he’s okay.”

“He’ll be fine. And speaking of the _other_ dramatics in this family.” Nobu’s gaze appropriately fell to her children then. “All right, you two, that’s it! Let’s give him some space.” The girl of seven, Nao, pouted before releasing Kondo as her mother insisted but her younger brother, Gennosuke, made no such move; he clung even tighter, then lifted his chin. “Is Souji-niichan coming?”

“Souji, huh,” Kondo exhaled. “Afraid not. He stayed home today since Uncle Toshi caught a cold.”

“Aww…”

Kondo grinned and ruffled Gennosuke’s hair. “Don’t worry, you’ll be seeing him soon.” It was a promise he’d have to make good on, for as much as this boy wanted to see Souji, Souji had wanted to accompany Kondo on his visit here; the deadpan look and manner with which his brow had twitched upon hearing the remainder of his day would be spent with Gen-san were almost comical. Alas, though, Kondo had known war tales and tea would pale in comparison to the potential thrill of antagonizing Hijikata when he was already contentious and moody. His decision to come alone had been made in the best interests of all.

In all honestly, he’d felt awful about breaking the plans which occupied Souji’s excitement for the last few days, and even sought his permission to do so; unimpressed green eyes had fallen half-lidded with a sigh. “ _Hijikata-san is ruining my life as usual, I see._ ” Despite the warranted complaint, Souji had turned on his feet afterward and wandered in the direction of the sitting room, all as Kondo’s palms met in appreciation before taking off, himself.

He’d make the blunder up soon enough. For now…

Upon hearing Nao call his name, Gennosuke let go of the leg he’d wrapped himself around, instead favoring to chase his sister across the porch and through open shoji. Kondo used this opportunity of newly granted freedom to retrieve the elegant box he’d set down earlier. Picking it up, he offered it to Nobu once she finished gently scolding the children again for their noisiness.

“Nobu-san, it’s not much, but…”

“Kat-chan!” she admonished. “You never have to bring anything.”

“I know, I know. But I ran into a fruit vendor and couldn’t pass this up though, look.” Reaching for the tied ends of fabric, Kondo loosened them slightly and fragrance drifted up from inside.

“Ara?! Peaches?!” Nobu exclaimed. “They smell so good!” She inhaled again and a large smile graced her lips. “Oh, Kat-chan, Toshi’s gonna be so happy, you don’t even know. Between you visiting and bringing these? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cured in a split second.”

Kondo smiled widely at that, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “That would be ideal, wouldn’t it?”

“Only one way to find out! C’mon,” she said with a wink and toss of her head, “let’s go see how bad of a mood he’s in.”

~

Companionable silence descended as Nobu led Kondo down a long stretch of porch and then around the corner, leaving them both standing at the threshold of a closed door.

“Toshi,” Nobu called softly while placing her palm against the entrance. When no reply came she tried again. However, upon being greeted with quiet for a second time, she carefully slid the shoji aside and peered in with Kondo leaning over her to do the same.

“Ah…” he whispered, lingering a moment more before righting himself. Nobu looked up at him with questioning eyes and Kondo nodded once to offer his agreement. And just like that, the door was closed as quietly as it had been opened.

“You know, Kat-chan…” When Kondo offered to carry the box for her as they began walking again, Nobu only hugged it closer. “I’ve known my brother for almost twenty years at this point and it’s _still_ hard to believe that that… _innocent_ face he makes while sleeping belongs to him.”

“Mm?” Kondo chuckled.

“Almost makes me believe in those ridiculous stories about shapeshifters…those scary ones that really do terrify the hell out of you when you’re younger but you never want to admit it.”

“Are you admitting it now?”

“I guess I am!”

Suppressing what would have been a hearty, resounding laugh, Kondo managed to control the volume of his amusement and then agreed. “You have a point, though. Angry Toshi is certainly scary Toshi.” A beat. “And it’s _always_ a good idea to stay on his good side…unless you’re brave.” Upon arriving back at the front of the house, he cast a glance toward the main gate and his lower eyelids lifted just a touch. “ _Souji_ is brave.”

“Oh, that kid is a master of getting under my brother’s skin for sure. But make no mistake about it!” Nobu stamped one foot to drive her point home. “Toshi cares deeply for him. I know, if just from seeing how he interacts with my own.”

“Heh, I know it, too!” Kondo crossed his arms with a grin pulling far into his cheeks. “Those two may be like oil and water, but in some cases, oil and water can actually work together, you know. I can’t imagine my life without either. Everything just feels…” Affection swelled in his chest and perhaps had him speaking a bit too openly. “…so complete.”

“That’s good,” came the matter-of-fact voice at his side. “Because I can’t imagine Toshi’s life without you in it, either.”

With a blink, the contented expression fell from Kondo’s face and when his attention turned back to Nobu, he found her studying him with an inkling of pensiveness. “Oh…um—”

“Ne.” She cocked her head toward the kitchen. “You comin’ in?”

“Ah, Nobu-san, I don’t wanna put you out or anything. I just came to make sure—”

“Here, then. Since you’ve been _insisting_ on carrying them.” Nobu thrust the peaches into Kondo’s arms. “Now you’re useful. Follow me.”

“I—” Kondo pursed his lips when he received a very familiar piercing gaze over her shoulder and the sight of it had him immediately relenting. “Mm, right. Yes, on my way.”

Tiny crimson baubles dangling from Nobu’s hair pin danced with a laugh just as animated. “That’s more like it! My last name may be Sato but never doubt I’m a Hijikata through and through!”

“Believe me.” Kondo stepped into sandals (small and uncomfortable, but they would do) waiting on the finished stone floor of the kitchen and set the box on a counter. “I’m smart enough to never _dream_ of doing that.” His gaze drifted around the space and he watched while Nobu approached the pot that had been set over a small flame. The air smelled of comfort—of burning wood and appetizing rice porridge.

“I want to talk with you about some things, but I need to take care a few odds and ends in here first.” She picked up a hand towel to protect herself from the heat and then slid the cover off just enough to look inside. A billow of steam rose from within and the lid was immediately replaced. “Am I right to assume you’re gonna fight me if I tell you to go relax in the sitting room?”

“Who could possibly just sit around when there’s porridge to garnish and other things around here to do?”

Nobu huffed out of her nose. “You’re a good man, Kat-chan.” She opened a nearby cabinet and procured a jar. “Impossibly humble, but certainly good.”

“So, those scallions over there…which knife can I use?”

“ _Taku_.” However, Nobu was grinning softly as she nodded toward a drawer. “Any one you want.”

“Got it.” With that, Kondo plucked the light green stalks from the vegetable basket, brought them to a free area of countertop, and began dicing. Across the way, Nobu removed handfuls of pickled plums from the jar and began extracting the pits.

“You know,” she started, while nimble fingers worked at their task with quickness and efficiency. “I’ve known you for a pretty long time too, but I don’t know if I ever thanked you. Have I?”

“Thanked me?” Kondo asked, his tone gentle and rising with curiosity. “For what?”

“Toshi’s my brother, but…well, I suppose it sounds a little silly since we’re so close in age, but I also think of him as my first son. After our parents died, someone had to step up and I guess it was just in my instinct to be the one who would.”

“It’s not silly at all. That explains why Toshi is so strong.” _Chop, chop, chop_. “Because Nobu-san is.”

“Cht…please.” Her voice fell, but Kondo could hear the smile she tried to conceal. “Anyway, he was our family’s little prince and I just wanted him to have a good life, especially after all that happened. And I still do.” Kondo finished his task then and peered over at Nobu; she stood still, her digits paused in mid-action of pitting with her chin raised and eyes focused on the wall before her. “It’s tough, though, the balance of having my own kids and everything.” Her shoulders shrugged and she went back to her work.

“I can only imagine…”

“That’s why we tried sending Toshi for that apprenticeship. Everyone here was so adamant on turning him into a successful merchant.” Nobu cocked her head. “But we all know how that turned out.” A beat. “…Bowl’s over there if you wanna put those scallions in something.”

“Well, I’m not following…didn’t it turn out for the best?” Kondo asked, while doing as he was told. “I mean, sure, the textile business didn’t work out but now he’s so good at selling your family’s medicine, so…” He drifted off when Nobu quietly chuckled, and then joined her with a small laugh of his own. “What?”

“That’s the point I’m getting to, Kat-chan. You’re always so encouraging, always have something good to say. Can Toshi do no wrong in your eyes?” She looked up to meet his gaze.

“Uh…I mean, no one is perfect.” He set his mouth in a line. “I’m certainly not, so how could I expect that of someone else?”

The corners of Nobu’s mouth twitched further with fondness. “If you want my opinion, I don’t think the reason why he’s so good at medicine peddling is because of his apprentice work. Maybe he learned some skills there that helped, but…” She paused. “I think it’s because you drive him to do his best.”

Kondo finally turned all the way to face her. “…Me?”

“Toshi was never exactly going down the wrong path, but I still worried about him,” Nobu spoke while tossing the readied plums on a dish and gathering discarded portions in her palm. “He wasn’t happy with the idea of just owning a shop or even inheriting our land. And I agree. I think he’s made for something different.” She discarded the refuse in a bag, then found Kondo’s eyes. “Something more.”

He licked his lips and glanced at the floor, as guilt began to pang within his stomach. What Nobu was saying sounded positive, but Kondo wondered if there was an ulterior motive to this conversation that wasn’t so promising in the end; after all, he’d been the one to tell Hijikata it was all right to have not finished the apprenticeship, that it’d been okay to not want to spend his life on a farm.

Kondo hadn’t said any of it lightly or with the intent of frivolous enablement; the words had been meant to both comfort and appeal to Hijikata’s best interests—but perhaps _his_ best interests hadn’t aligned with the vision this family had for their youngest. And if that had caused a wedge between them…

“Kat-chan…” The kindness in Nobu’s voice brought Kondo back to her. “What I’m saying is, I wasn’t sure how to set him on the path to finding happiness. But I think you can. Or, that you already _have_.” She closed her eyes and with a huff, shook her head. “My older brother would go crazy if he heard us talking now because I know for damn sure he doesn’t agree. But, this world is changing. And I think we should all be able to chase what we dream of most. Like…what makes us excited to get up in the morning, instead of just living out of obligation.”

A choppy breath left Kondo’s lips then and his chin fell in a strong nod. “I agree.” His hands met his waist before a second guess made him wonder if it was too direct a stance; he therefore settled on crossing his arms before him instead. “I agree with that so much. Especially with my situation.”

“It’s what I’m doing too, after all.” Nobu grinned. “I have my family. That’s really what I wanted more than anything. And I want each of them to lead the best life possible, but it’s hard to keep tabs on them all, especially with…” She patted her midsection.

Kondo stared at her in confusion—and then it clicked. “…Oh.” His spine went a little straighter. “Oh, wow! That’s…that’s great news! Congratulations!”

“But when your family’s growing, everything’s so busy all the time. I can’t always be there for Toshi.” Nobu put out the flame beneath the porridge and once the bubbling background noise died out, she turned back to Kondo. “So, thank you for being the one who is.”

Absentmindedly itching at his jaw and then massaging the side of his neck, Kondo’s gaze fell down and off to the side. “Um…it’s…” He found himself incapable of stopping his own shy grin then. “It’s mutually beneficial. If you think _I’ve_ done him any good at all, well…you should hear about all he’s done for me. It’s incomparable. I mean, if it weren’t for Toshi, then I—” His words trailed off when he noticed the softness falling from Nobu’s expression. “Sorry, I’m…talking a lot, aren’t I?”

A huff. “Oh, no.” With a swift turn to the counter, she braced the heel of palms against it and pushed her lips out. “Not at all.” Nobu’s tone dropped. “But maybe I have.”

Bewildered, Kondo caught onto the conflicted expression that was ascertainable even from seeing just the side of her face. His mouth opened but he stopped himself before speaking again, as the clear shift in demeanor indicated something profound had happened right under his nose without him even noticing.

“...Nobu-san,” Kondo ventured gently, taking a step toward her.

“Kat-chan, look. This might be overstepping. And maybe it makes me a terrible sister who can’t mind her own business. But.” She drummed her fingertips twice before pushing away from the edge, and when their eyes met, concern was clear and present in hers. “Has Toshi…” Nobu shook her head once with a wince before finally giving in. “Has he talked to you about this long trip he’s planning to take?”

Kondo blinked.

And though he couldn’t say he’d been surprised by her question, his heart seemed to grow a mind of its own as it began pounding hard against its ribbed enclosure. Then, from that central place in his chest, an ache swelled and burned—permeated right from the core to paralyze him.

Or at least that’s how it felt, for in that moment, it seemed to Kondo that he’d forgotten how to speak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! <3
> 
> Toshi is the peach emoji in the group chat. That's why Kat-chan brought him peaches. ^_~
> 
> I'm not sure if Nobu would have called her husband Hiko-chan in real life, but it fits her personality in this story. She's strong as hell and can do what she wants...just like Okita's sister, Mitsu! lol


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